From Michael Keaton's tour de force "Mr. Mom"
There’s a battle going on in my head and my heart.
The battle between career and family. It’s an ages-old battle that rages I’m sure for many fathers out there: Do I focus on career or family?
Yes, I know the answer is both, but here’s the thing: there are only so many hours in a day (and I do have to sleep occasionally).
Do I push full force on a career, writing for this blog and the others I contribute to as much as I can, make a name for myself and become as successful as possible? Or do I take a step back and focus on being a father? What’s better for me? What’s better for my daughter?
These are the questions I’m struggling with.
On the one hand, if I focus on a successful career, the odds are I can support my wife and my daughter better financially, ensuring neither of them go hungry. That would also enable me to provide my daughter with better opportunities than I had growing up–not saying my upbringing was rough, but that’s the goal of every parent, isn’t it? If I go this route, it means longer hours and more time spent away from my family (not necessarily away away, but attention would be elsewhere). I would sacrifice the “Firsts” to better support my family in other ways.
On the other hand, if I focus on being a father, I don’t miss the big moments–the first smile, the first steps, the firsts of everything. I get to be an integral part of daughter’s day-to-day life. I get to have the satisfaction of kissing my baby girl every day.
Striking a balance is hard. And I don’t need to be told that I need to strike a balance. But here’s the deal:
I’m 26 years old. I’ve got great experience for my age, but let’s face it, I’m at the beginning of my career.
I’ve also got a 3-month old baby girl. So I’m at the beginning of an amazing journey here, too.
What’s better for me? What’s better for her?
Have any ideas?
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Scott,
I was married, a father, homeowner, and self employed when I was 23. I wanted the same for my family that you describe above. I took the work hard and benefit later route and toasted my first marriage. I’m successful today but it cost me and my family. It’s a tough balancing act because certain bills must ultimately get paid, and that was my justification at the time. My recommendation would be to work hard but make certain times of every day “family” time and even though you want to spend time with your new daughter, don’t ignore your wife. Good luck!
Easy to me to say this with @babywaldow’s entrance into the world in 8 weeks and 4 days, but the answer is easy.
FAMILY.
dj
.-= DJ Waldow´s last blog ..Winner Winner Chicken Dinner =-.
@Peter and @DJ: Absolutely, family is important. And the irony of this post is I think I’ve actually struck a really good balance in terms of action. I’m pretty involved with my daughter (particularly on weekends). It’s just the mental process of this battle that wears on me. If I spend too much time one day on work-related stuff (or blogging, or whatever), then I feel like I’m ignoring my daughter. If I spend a lot of time with my daughter, I feel great, but afterward, it inevitably goes back to “Man, I could spent more time on the blog, or catching up at work.”
It’s really a tough conundrum. I seem to err on the side of spending time with my wife and daughter. That’s going well so far.
This is a question I think everyone with high ambition, multiple projects, increasing opportunity, etc. faces, with or without kids. I know I do, and I don’t have kids thrown in the mix. I tend to believe that the so-called “work/life balance” is over-rated. If you love what you do, and have ambition pushing you forward, by all means throw your heart and soul into it. The fact that you’re even asking and struggling with this question seems to indicate that you’re not going to NEGLECT your family, so it’s not like that’s an issue
Kids learn a LOT by example and if your daughter learns from day one that it’s possible to put a high priority on loving what you do (while still putting a high priority on your family, which you obviously are), so much the better for her. When I was a kid my dad had (and still has) a career he LOVED ~ it meant way longer hours than most kids’ dads, way more travel, way more sacrifice from everyone in the family, but I never once doubted his commitment to us, or to his job. And honestly that was a powerful lesson to witness ~ that I could find not just a job but a LIFE CALLING that was fulfilling, exciting and meaningful. It was way better than growing up in a 9-5 household, but I’m biased
.-= alexis´s last blog ..Separation of Church and Self: why we need to keep personal political agendas out of our churches =-.
Alexis: Thanks for the comment! It makes me feel better to be reminded of my own father, who also worked a lot and traveled a lot while I was growing up. His example of hard work definitely taught me a lot, and it’s a large part of what drives me today.
(I also remember being excited when he went on business trips, because without fail he’d bring a gift back for me. Kind of a weird thing to be excited for your dad being out of town, but oh well.)
I think it may be a generational thing, too. It was just kind of an expectation when I was growing up that my father had a job and if he had to travel, he had to travel. Not to say that he wasn’t hands on, because he was and is a great father, but maybe part of my struggle is the continuing revolution of the role of the father.
Thanks again for the comment!