When I first learned that my wife was pregnant for real (as in after the first appointment), I hand-wrote down my feelings in what was to be a journal. I haven’t handwritten anything about it since. Just too busy or whatever. But I came across that piece of paper today, and felt it would be fun to share it with all of you. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way:
So it’s real now. She’s pregnant. There’s no hiding behind “Well, the tests could be wrong.” She’s got a gestation sac growing in her now. Too soon to see the embryo. That’s in a couple of weeks. But it’s real.
My parents know. Her parents know. Heck, the dentist knows! There’s no getting around it now. And now I’m scared shitless.
I wanted this. I’ve always wanted this. And I certainly can’t give it back now. Things are going to change (understatement!).
Will I have the patience to deal with it? Will I be too distracted to finish my MBA? (Author’s note: This was back in March when I wasn’t finished with my MBA. I’ve been a proud graduate for a few months now.)
So many questions and nine months to figure some of it out. I guess I don’t have to know everything, but gees, this is a baby! This isn’t a car, or a computer, or something that has a shelf life of a few years. This being is supposed to outlive me. This is my successor, and it’s up to me to lay the groundwork for the “success” part of that. It’s a lot to think about.
The responsibility. The patience. The smells!
Will I be a good father? Guess I’m about nine months away from finding out.
Reading this 6 months later puts it into perspective. I’m not sure much has changed on this side of things. I’ve read Alan Thicke’s “How Men Have Babies” a couple of times. It’s pretty funny. Got some good nuggets in there, too. With the wife in full nesting mode now, I’m just doing my best to keep up and keep her as comfortable as possible.
Next Saturday is the Child Birth class. Should have an interesting post for that!
